Member contributions,
starting with two from
Ksenia’s Campfire Girlz!
Indescribable. The Girlz! entry, sung by Gabriella, in
the 2001 Bard’s Corner at the Lorasia Games:
Gabrielle
of the Crusaders of Lyredh cart-wheeled onto the
stage before planting hands on hips and feet apart to launch into “Fear and
Loathing in Lorasia”, or, she adds, “The Gaby Rap.”
“Sing a Song of Camp-fire Girlz,
Crusaders of Lyredh
You’d better worship Beauty,
Or else you’ll end up dead…
“I’m a bard, I’m a lesbo,
I’m a fetching shade of green,
The only one who feels like :
‘Love and peace, man!’, it
would seem…
“Najhara is a Paladin
Of light and truth and order
Like all the Girlz I’ve snogged she’s got
Some strange mental disorder
“Ksenia’s in her playhouse
With the Queen of all the Elves
I rather wish that we could get
Involved with them ourselves
“Maelora is just gorgeous,
The kind of Queen we like
She’s like the little girl who stuck
Her finger in the dyke
“Sing a Song of Campfire Girlz
Playing in the Tent
They’re using it so often
That Ksenia’s charging rent
“Valeria’s our priestess
The one who likes her males
She spends her time in lingerie
And painting her false nails
“Neevie comes from far away
Just like her friend Mei Lau
She wears those brightly-coloured
silks
To say “Who’s Sari Now?”
“Neevie-Neve’s our Curry
queen
A-mixing up her sauces
Epiphany’s the one too fond
Of all the pretty horses
“For we all love the Pony Girlz
A-prancing on a Pony
Especially the stallions when
Epiphany gets lonely…
“Mei Lau is fond of babies
Especially ones with scales
It only stands to reason
She’s the other who likes males…
“Yves is not Ksen’s daughter
But she doesn’t seem to care,
That compared to cute Maelora
She wouldn’t stand a prayer
“She’s lost her mind and thinks that she’s
Goddess of War and Fear
Not that acting odd
Would get her noticed around here
“Amarys has lost her mind
She’s thinks she’s in the past
So much for Love’s Young Dream with Cally-
Knew it couldn’t last…
“Cally thinks that Tiny
Furry Animals
Are fun
She loves them like she loves all kids
But couldn’t eat a whole one
“Aunt Gem’s our Giant Druid
All smiling and happy
Never more so when she’s getting
My ‘crystal therapy’…
“Sing a Song of Campfire Girlz
Skipping in a row
Joxar thinks he’s mighty
But he’s just the last to know
“Reynard thinks he’s gorgeous
And has loads of female fans…
In fact he’s the main reason why
We Girlz are lesbi-ans
“Tsanina’s got a killer bod,
Sleek and toned and limber
Our craftsgirlz lack the
wits to turn
Our Lumber into Timber
“Ysadrayal’s a scaly dog
His hair comes out in tufts
And that’s the major reason why
He never wins at ‘Crufts’
“Sing a Song of Campfire Girlz
Bathing in the pool
Playing with our mermaid
And trying to keep cool
“Becks and Thay’lyn are the Girlz
With savvy, smarts and wit
They basically comprise, these two
The brains of this outfit
“Playing with her undead
Is the gothy chick named Alti
The poor things died from too much sex
And eating Neevie’s balti
“kathyrn
von melosa
Is butch and mean and hard
She still regrets the day she quit
As women’s prison guard
“The hens are scared of Cally
These chicks are ripe for plucking
The nasty look in Cally’s
eye says –”
At
which point Najhara, moving onto the stage, placed a
hand firmly over
Gabrielle’s mouth to drag her from the stage as the crowd erupted
into applause.
Joxar the Mighty
And, with the above in mind, the Girlz! 2002 entry into the Games:
In a voice only his mother could
love, but in a very fetching Anne Summers number ‘borrowed’ from Ksenia’s saddlebags, he sings the following with more
enthusiasm than bardic talent.
He's Joxar the Mighty Transvestite
Stanza
He's wearing Ksenia's nightie
Though the fit is kind of tight-y;
He's a
Lady (in his dreams)
But nothing there is what it seems-
For Joxar, Joxar the Mighty
(Mighty
queer, that is)
He's Joxar the Mighty Nudity
Stanza
He gave Gaby such a fright-y,
He was naked - she went white-y;
He thought he had a hunch
But his manly figure lacked the punch
Oh Joxar, Joxar the Mighty
(Mighty small, that is)
He's Joxar the Mighty Campfire
Boyz Stanza
He makes noises in the night-y
He snores so loud, it's no delight-y;
His bedtime sounds, they wake the dead
But he remains asleep and abed
Yes he's Joxar, Joxar the
Mighty
(Mighty lazy, that is)
He’s Joxar the
Mighty Whoop-ass
Stanza
He’s not too proud to fight-y
He’ll put the Xorg
to flight-y
With frying pan and chamber-pot
They’ll die laughing; he’ll get the lot
At the hands of Joxar
the Mighty
(Mighty feeble, that is)
He's Joxar the Mighty Underwear
Stanza
Goddess, what a sight; Eeee!
He looks
far from all right-y;
He doesn't care for sports
He'd have to show his Joxar Shorts
'Cause he's Joxar, Joxar
the Mighty
(Mighty puny, that is)
He's Joxar the Mighty Thank-God-It’s-The-Last
Stanza
He now says nighty-nighty
And hope the bugs don’t bite-y;
So he is
off to bed
To rest his tired and puzzled head
A long day for Joxar the Mighty
(Mighty dumb, that is)